Friday, January 25, 2008

A Whole Year

Dear Samara,

One year ago today at this time we were holding you for the first time. I had probably just put you to the breast for the first time, starting a part of our relationship that I am still so surprised has ended. You were smaller than any doll I had ever held--and more fragile. You cried and cried. In my naive, new mom haze I asked the nurse if you had colic. The nurse just laughed. "It is way to early to tell," she told me. But you didn't. In fact, you really were the perfect baby. From the age of five weeks, you slept 12 hours a night. You smiled at strangers. You could independently play.

Over time, you have changed. This past month, you have been the most willful I have seen you. You do not want to eat much of anything. You want to be constantly entertained, held and played with. You want certain toys and you want them now. But that's ok. I would expect nothing less from my child. And you are my child. It took a while to recognize you as such, but as your bossy and demanding side emerges, I see me more everyday. You also got some of my good qualities. You are busy and funny. You love to laugh and (open mouth) kiss the dog. You love to meet new people and you wave to everyone. You have opened me up so much and now I don't mind running errands because I know you will make people smile and be nice, a feat few are able to do during a Boston winter. But somehow you manage.

You have grown from such a tiny, helpless creature to a speed crawling, couch jumping, cruising maniac. I know you hate to sleep for fear that you will miss something. But trust me, the world stops until you wake up. Nothing important happens until you are back in the waking world.

This month you have taken to some less than desireable qualities as well. You like to slap and hit to get people's attention, laughing after you bop their nose. Your eating habits stress me out and make me wonder if we are starving you. You refuse to do anything we want you to do, preferring to do it all your way. I guess these are the toddler years. Sometimes I might get angry and even seem frustrated, but it is only because we both have strong wills. I still love you, even when I need to take a breather.

We are so grateful to have you in our lives. You are so different than either of us ever could have imagined. But you are ours and we are yours and we love you, love you, love you. You might never know how much until you have kids of your own. But trust me when I tell you it overwhelms me. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and now I understand the generations of mothers who have fought to protect the environment, protested injustices and worked to end wars. Because there is nothing I could imagine that would be worse than losing you. And there is nothing I would not do for you, nothing I would not try to get for you.

Happy birthday my sweet, sweet baby girl.



You love the Children's Museum:

You like to play more than eat:

You love to "help" me unload the dishwasher:

You got your first two teeth this month:


Kristi said...

Happy Birthday, sweet baby girl! I hope your second year is even better than your first.

Stephanie said...

Happy Birthday, Sam! And a big congratulations to Mommy! Not only did you thrived during your daughter's first year and have raised a happy, healthy and beautiful baby girl. Kudos!

Mariel said...

Happy Birthday to the best baby that ever lived!! I love you love you love you!

Editorgirl said...

Such a sweet post S! Happy First Birthday Samara!

Lis Garrett said...

Happy Birthday, and congratulations Mom & Dad!

Beagle said...

Happy Birthday cutie!

Amy said...

Happy first birthday to Samara! I can't wait to finally meet her (hopefully this summer). Best wishes to the happy family!