Home Alone

Yesterday was my first full day alone with Samara. R went back to work. I know it was hard for him to transition back (although news of his promotion certainly softened the blow). I could not believe the exhaustion at the end of the day when we went to pick R up. Samara chose yesterday not to sleep at all so she was alert all day. Sometimes her alert times scare me because I feel the need to be DOING something, to be expanding her mind somehow and I have no idea what to do.

Tummy time is exhausted after about 10 minutes and her lullaby CD is out since it makes me cry. I tried singing to her, but then was disturbed to find I only know two songs by heart: "Brick House" by the Commodores and "Summer of '69" by Bryan Adams. Now, musical taste aside, I am not sure those are appropriate lullabies anyway. Do other people just remember songs from their childhood? I also feel bad because my voice is bad. Not just sort of bad, but like really truly off-key, smoker's rasp BAD.

The pediatrician said I could read to her--even the paper--as long as I do so in a happy, sing-song voice so I bought this insanely girly book for her the other day--The Princess Primer. Since then, R has made merciless fun of me since a.) I have read it to myself at least 6 times and b.) it is amusingly shallow. Basically it tells a young lady how to dress and do her hair and wear make-up followed by a single sentence, seemingly dropped in by an angry editor, about how a princess is really about what is on the inside. Sure. As long as her hair is done and she is wearing lace. Still, the book is too cute and I had to have it. But I am not sure if I bought it for myself or for Samara. The jury is out.

I would LOVE to go outside for a walk for the exercise and for my sanity, but the pediatrician said not until she is back to her birth weight and it is no longer 9 degrees outside. Thank you warm spell for ending just in time to maroon me and my baby in our house all winter. Why we had the misfortune of conceiving in May, I do not know. My life would look very different if Samara had been born in June. Maybe next time.

I am going to force myself to go to the gym tonight because I did nothing yesterday and need some form of exercise. I would do a video, but her sleeping is so unpredictable... anyway, at least she slept through the night last night (!!) A great victory that I think only happened because she was not able to sleep all day. Still, I'll take it. Six hours of sleep in a row is the most I've had in a long, long time.