After yesterday, I have done much thinking on my situation and I have come to the following conclusion: I must have been mad when I decided to go with a coop.
There are several things you should know about both me and my husband before we go further:
1.) We both loathe sanctimony
2.) When it comes down to it, we are a bit insular/anti-social
3.) Although we are both liberal, we both find it annoying to have to listen to hippie crap.
4.) Both of us have very busy lives/careers outside of our children
In short: WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING? Oh yeah. It was about the money. This was a huge mistake on so many levels. And now our money situation has changed and I just want a normal preschool where I have no obligation to tithe my whole life over to them.
Even if it costs 12k it will be well worth it.
Everyday I learn more and more about the parent I am. And I need to learn not to apologize for that. I am not a full time stay at home mom. I am a working mom whose office happens to be out of the home. And we can afford to pay professionals to be with our kids while we both meet our goals.
Why do these things take so long for me to realize? This was an episode in the mommy wars. I am a bad mommy (or at least made to feel like one) because I want my own life.
But the most important lesson of all (as my friend Julia pointed out) is: never, ever tell a group of hyper-vigilant stay at home mommies that your child had a low-grade (possibly non-existent fever) 15 hours ago that is now gone.
Are you listening boys and girls? Give me three months and I guarantee this will be one of the funniest stories in my family lore, like the time my dad got fired from my pediatrician.
But for now, it has made me sad and made me realize how lonely motherhood can really be. There are so few mothers I connect with and that fact makes me sad.