Friday, May 15, 2009

Co-Ops Are Not For Me

After yesterday, I have done much thinking on my situation and I have come to the following conclusion: I must have been mad when I decided to go with a coop.

There are several things you should know about both me and my husband before we go further:

1.) We both loathe sanctimony
2.) When it comes down to it, we are a bit insular/anti-social
3.) Although we are both liberal, we both find it annoying to have to listen to hippie crap.
4.) Both of us have very busy lives/careers outside of our children

In short: WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING? Oh yeah. It was about the money. This was a huge mistake on so many levels. And now our money situation has changed and I just want a normal preschool where I have no obligation to tithe my whole life over to them.

Even if it costs 12k it will be well worth it.

Everyday I learn more and more about the parent I am. And I need to learn not to apologize for that. I am not a full time stay at home mom. I am a working mom whose office happens to be out of the home. And we can afford to pay professionals to be with our kids while we both meet our goals.

Why do these things take so long for me to realize? This was an episode in the mommy wars. I am a bad mommy (or at least made to feel like one) because I want my own life.

But the most important lesson of all (as my friend Julia pointed out) is: never, ever tell a group of hyper-vigilant stay at home mommies that your child had a low-grade (possibly non-existent fever) 15 hours ago that is now gone.

Are you listening boys and girls? Give me three months and I guarantee this will be one of the funniest stories in my family lore, like the time my dad got fired from my pediatrician.

But for now, it has made me sad and made me realize how lonely motherhood can really be. There are so few mothers I connect with and that fact makes me sad.


JM said...

Dude, glad I could help. ;) I think you're one of the coolest moms I know, and you remind me that one can be a whole person despite/beyond/whatever being a mom. Not that a mother isn't a whole person--I realize the above can be taken as insulting by some, but that's not my intent--but that a woman can be a mother, AND an athlete, AND a creative person, and whatever else she wants to be, and it makes her a very good (and happy, and fulfilled) mother, not a bad mommy. And sure, some women are happy and fulfilled by the motherhood part alone, but not every woman is (I'm not!). So thanks for serving as reminder to the rest of us mommies that it's OK and in fact GOOD to have a life and career outside of one's children.

PS: See? Sometimes it's better to outsource things, like housecleaning and preschool. ;)

k said...

i agree with you on everything, but especially two points:

1. motherhood is so lonely
2. i learn more about the parent i am every single day (and am sometimes surprised)

keep doing what you feel is right - that is what is best for your children.

we will get together soon to remind each other that not all other mommies are weirdos. ;)

Mimi37 said...

I sympathize, because our kiddo is in a co-op preschool too, and while I love many things about it, it inspires a lot of eye-rolling, for basically the same reasons. I have to plead, though, as a SAHM myself, that if you hate the "mommy wars," try not to use terms like "hyper-vigilant stay at home mommies." Cause, um, ouch. That there's gunfire. All SAHMs and all WOHMs are not alike, which I'm sure you know, but maybe lose sight of when certain SAHMs piss you off.

My Wombinations said...

Sorry Mimi! And if it makes you feel any better, I described myself in those terms (literally said, "I am hyper vigilant") because I am. I did not mean that to come off as badly as it did. I check my kids' temps at least every other day rectally. So... I am all about hyper vigilence:)