Four months have passed since the whiny end of my pregnancy. It is kind of hard for me to believe.
Four months of adorable, drooly, smiley, non-sleeping Alan.
This past month has been a mixed bag. He has become much sturdier, starting to hold his head and body rigid, lifting his head very high during tummy time and sitting in a tripod position. During tummy time, he almost looks like he is going to start to crawl and can move forward quite a bit. He has also forsaken sleep and has continued to be inexplicably fussy much of the evening.
He is no easy baby. He wants to be held all the time and cannot stand to be left alone. He wakes up every hour many nights and still refuses any food except the stuff directly from my breast. These facts make it very hard for me to work or to focus on anything else besides him.
He adores his sister. She is the only thing, thus far, that has made him laugh and he just stares at her with such awe. It is very similar to the way Sam used to stare at the dog. I am really looking forward to the day when the kids are the same size and he is more sturdy and I will worry less about her accidentally killing him. Until then, I never leave them alone together, even for a second.
He is also huge, bypassing his three month clothing altogether. He is now into 9 month clothing and my guess is he will soon outgrow that, too. I am so happy that he is such a robust baby, but I am concerned with how quickly he is outgrowing the swing, bassinet, bouncy seat and (most importantly) the Bjorn. I thought I had more time before we had to figure out how to take two kids to the store without a carrier.
Alan is starting to reach for his toys. He can grasp a rattle and bring his hands together and a toy to his mouth. It is so amazing to see him unfold in this way, just as amazing as it was with hit sister. Even so, I feel enormous guilt that there is less time for he and I to bond, stare into eachother's eyes and for me fawn. I guess that is the lot of second children, but it still makes me sad. He is so special and unique and I often wish there were more of me to give to each kid. I can't wait until their interactions convince me that we did the right thing in having a second. For now, I just have to take solace in the beauty and balance of our four person, evenly sex-distributed family.