Thursday, July 10, 2008

End Game

One of the things I completely forgot about was the overwhelming emotion that occurs right before the birth and in the weeks immediately following it. But I am getting hit in a major way this past week or so.

Every song makes me cry. I can't get through a 15 minute drive without bursting into tears. It is not even that I am sad, it just feels like I am so full on the inside that everything has to come out.

I forgot how powerful this hormonal cocktail really is. Everything I believed about how I would feel about this little guy's arrival is being shaken. I am excited, terrified and so, so anxious to meet him.

I am not sure if I am officially nesting, but I definitely feel a cocooning, family love for Sam and R that I was not feeling three weeks ago. It is so bittersweet and I am now recognizing that the next six weeks are going to be such an emotional roller coaster and as much as I wanted to avoid that, I am also kind of excited.

There is no feeling in the world like bringing home a new baby. I can remember clearly how scared I was and how overwhelmingly in love I was. I think R and I spent his entire paternity leave crying and I can see I am going right back there, even though I thought I had myself in a much better place. It has to be hormonal.

Am I the only person who has to have some huge emotional preparation to give birth? I feel like normal people talk about physical prep, but I need to cry for about a week before I am ready. Is that insane?

I am full term tomorrow. Sometime in the next three or so weeks we will be bringing this new baby home, along with all the chaos and emotion that will come with him. There is no amount of prep I can do. There are not enough clothes to wash, meals to prepare or dressers to buy that could possibly make me feel ready. The pool is in front of me, so I guess I just have to jump and hope I come up for air sometime soon.

1 comment:

Kristi said...

Well, if it's any consolation, I'm only 20 weeks, and I'm crying at every song on the radio too, and pretty much have been a hormonal mess from day 1.

You'll be ready, and if you aren't, then you'll have lots of company in your tears. Me, for one.