Wednesday, December 12, 2007

When to Tell?

Now that the cat is out of the bag, our news begs a question: when is the appropriate time to tell people about a pregnancy?

I know for many people, waiting three months, until the "danger period" has passed is the best time. After the first trimester, the chances of miscarriage (one in five in the first three months) drop to one to two percent. Many people choose then to share their happy news.

The first time, I told half the world before the pee stick was dry. Why? That is just me. I have a big mouth and few secrets. I figured if something happened to the pregnancy, I would tell people that anyway, so why should I contain myself? I regretted that decision later. I spent the first three months of my pregnancy consumed with worry for the baby. I googled everything scary I could find: "missed miscarriage," "blighted ovum," "molar pregnancy," "tubal pregnancy." I was a wreck. I thought it was because I felt pressure to produce a baby after telling everyone about my pregnancy. Turns out? I just had too much time on my hands.

I really did plan to hold out on this pregnancy, but I told one person, then another, then another, until it became quite obvious that there was no one left to tell. My "secret" was no longer. And I really do not mind. I am only 7 weeks along. I have not had an ultrasound, heard a heartbeat, or started to feel the baby move. I know it is extremely early to share my news. But I am doing so for two reasons:

1.) Should anything happen to this pregnancy, it would not be a secret. I would want to share it. I would want to talk about it. I would need to talk about it. So, why should I not tell people my happy news? If it turns unahppy, well then so be it. I will share that, too.

2.) I am a lot less stressed during this pregnancy. I don't really have that much time to think about the horrors I imagined the first time around. This time, I feel a little more comfortable with the idea. It seems far less foreign and I believe that a baby could really come at the end of nine months.

When to share is a very personal decision. For me, the time is early. Besides, what would I blog about for three months while waiting to share???


Lis Garrett said...

I wouldn't be able to hide it, literally. I had hyperemesis for two out of my three pregnancies and was SICK starting at week 7. Anytime after that when I happened to mention I wasn't feeling wel, the automatic question was, "Are you pregnant?"

Congratulations, by the way. :-)

Kristi said...

I think the answer to this question is different for everyone. I waited until I was 11 weeks to share the news with my family. A few select friends (and, oh yeah, also the blogosphere) knew beforehand, but I was way too terrified (until the very nanosecond I gave birth, actually) that my pregnancy wouldn't result in a real, live baby, so I took "the telling" very slowly.

But I think it's perfectly acceptable to tell people whenever you're comfortable with sharing the news, for exactly the reasons you specified.