I am thrilled to be married to a man who is such a good father. From the moment he comes home until the moment she goes to bed, R is with Samara. They cuddle, they talk, he feeds her, they play. On the weekends he takes her most days. They grocery shop, they go to the mall. They hang out in the house while I run or work or get a pedicure. I love that we parent equally. But the reality is, we don't. Due to circumstances beyond his control, he can't be with her as much as I am. He is the primary breadwinner. I am with her all day. So why does she like us both the same?
She reacts the same way when she sees us both. She will go to me from R's arms--and vice versa. She is equally happy in either of our laps. Occassionally she will be particularly needy and want to be in my arms, but the next day she will be particularly needy and want to be in his.
I know I should be happy. I do not want one of those clingy babies who cries every time mommy leaves the room. And I know she knows who I am and loves me. But she also loves her dad. She reacts in the same manner to being left by him as she does by me. And it makes me just a tad jealous.
This is not Junior High. I am not wondering if she likes him better--even if I am. But does she? When he gets home from work, she squeals and does a little dance. She seems thrilled to be done with the mommy portion of her day and excited to move on to the one where daddy is home. I love that she loves us both, but I want to be special, dammit! I want to be the one she prefers. Maybe it is because daddy is special. She only gets him a few hours a week, but she sees my mug all day, night and every hour in between. I am 6 days out of 7 the one who gets her up in the moring and the one who feeds her breakfast, lunch and most snacks. Maybe daddy wins because he plays hard to get a little more, is not always available.
Do I have to play by "The Rules" with my daughter? Maybe not call her when I say I am going to? Always tell her I have plans when she asks me to do something too close to the date?
Don't get me wrong, I know the kid digs me. But she digs him, too. I thought I would at least have her babyhood locked down. She can spend toddler hood and her teenage years thinking daddy is the bomb, but I have the boob trump card that should have secured the first two years for me. I guess my boobs aren't that great after all. I want to be loved most. Gimme! Gimme!
Alas, I have to settle for sharing the spotlight. This means that ince she does not care whether I stay or go,I have no excuse for chipped toenail polish, which reminds me, I need to make an appointment.