Samara was 7 pounds, 10 ounces at her one month pediatrician appointment yesterday. For those keeping track, she gained 8 ounces since the last one 10 days ago. She was supposed to have gained one ounce a day for a total of 10 ounces. So she is still behind.
It was a pretty depressing appintment. We are not yet at the point where I need to supplement with formula. But we need to take steps to increase my milk production. To that end, I am now taking fenugreek twice a day and drinking specially formulated tea. I am also pumping after she eats each time and then feeding her the pumped bottles as one additional feeding. I am determined to keep her exclusively breastfed, but it is so frustrating that she is not thriving. As I sat in the doctor's office, making excuses--"I was also a scrawny kid"; "Maybe she just has a fast metabolism"; "I think she might just poop all her food out"--I had my first heavy dose of the mother guilt. And ouch. It was pretty bad.
On the walk home, I talked to R and we both got a little angry. She is only 2 ounces behind and I think she really DOES have a fast metabolism. Aside from her slow weight gain, she is a totally healthy, perfect little thing. I don't understand why she has to fit within these rigid standads of weight gain. I would swear she poops more than other children since I am changing her at least 15 times a day. Maybe she will never be a chubby baby. Neither R nor I were partricularly chubby either. But the dr. said those kinds of genetic factors do not come into play until the child is at least 15 months.. so I am left feeling inadequate like I cannot feed my child the amount she needs, like I am failing her.
For now I am following the doctor's orders, feeding and pumping until my nipples are raw. I just hope it works. I am not really excited about going back to the doctor's office to be shamed again.