Sunday, November 19, 2006

Evolving Friendships

As R and I prepare to enter a phase of life that almost none of are friends are currently in, the question of what will happen to those friendships in the coming months is starting to arise. Typically, I am not someone who has a lot of close female friendships, but the ones I do have are extremely important to me. More than buying our first condo, moving in together or even getting married, having a baby is the grand divider between childhood and adulthood it seems. Even last April before we had conceived, R and I could come home at night, plop on the sofa, order crappy takeout and call it a night. We could play playstation all day and eat cake for dinner. Granted, we rarely did this. But we could have. Now everytime we sit to a healthy meal in front of the TV, I think our days like this are numbered. As my belly expands, it is less comfortable to eat on my lap and I really do not want our child to see us eat with the television on. I figure in 11 weeks, we will have a new system for eating. We will have new systems for everything. It is all going to change. Meanwhile, our friends can still go to parties without getting babysitters, they can still go to bars and clubs all night if they want to. They can travel all over the world like R and I used to without having to think about dragging a suitcase full of medical supplies, baby supplies, and whatever other accoutrements I hear mothers have to go everywhere with. There will be less time for four hour phone conversations and less time for emailing incessantly. But on a deeper level I do worry about something a close friend asked the other day: will we still be interested in each other's lives? To me now, the answer is undoubtedly yes. But will that be true in six months? Will she really want to hear the details of my breast feeding issues or stroller debates? Will I want to hear about her parties and work situation? The thing is, I STILL think the answer is yes. Ok, maybe I will choose other mothers to debate the merits of the diaper genie with, but I know she will want to hear about my feelings re: going back to work. Maybe I will not be as interested as before in which celebrities were spotted at which event, but I have no doubt that I will want to still hear all the details of a really great date or a really great work assignment. It seems to me that as the circumstances of our lives change, we compartmentalize certain things for certain friends, but the closest friends are the ones who want to hear the really important stuff, the stuff that actually means something. And I know that will not change.


Mackenzie said...

amen to that, sistah :)

Kristi said...

Ahh... how familiar this sounds. Just remember that in addition to becoming a mommy, you're still you. It's hard, when motherhood encompasses your entire life, especially in the early weeks. But you're still you, with the same values, interests, and activities you used to participate in, and your friends will realize this. This stuff will just take a bit of a backseat to mommyhood for awhile. :)