I think it has been really hitting me this past week that you are really going to turn one. Even though I have begged and pleaded and cajoled, you will not be deterred. And it is breaking my heart.
Oh, I know we have so much more fun in store and I can't wait to watch you grow and become a little boy and do all of the things you want to do and run and jump and play with your sister, but these past 12 months have passed so quickly and they have been such a blur. I wanted you to arrive so badly and now that you have, you are moving too fast.
I never knew how much I wanted a boy, never knew how little your gender would matter, really. I know that sounds insane, but I had this set of expectations and your birth (along with your sister's) has shattered them. I am so grateful to you for that. You are such a little man and yet such a unique person with your own unique interests.
We call you Ani because your sister can't say Alan and Ani-Bear because we dressed you like a bear all winter, but the name suits you so well. You are cuddly warm and always smell intoxicating. Such an Ani-Bear. My Ani-Near. Our Ani-Bear.
This past month I have been so delighted to watch your personality emerge and, like your sister before you, it is a strong one. You want what you want, which is very often me. You want to throw balls and chase them. You like to read (although cannot sit still for long), scoot all over the house on your bum leaving a trail of squeaks and sometimes flattened grass behind you. You love sandboxes and the beach and like to dig with your fingers and get messy. You growl (frequently), which is comical when you are in the Ergo and you laugh often as well.
You are aggressive and single minded and I have no doubt that soon enough you will be a force all your own in our clan of "forces."
But for now, you are my baby, my tiny infant and I can't believe you have made it to this milestone. It has been a crazy year, my baby son. We had a lot of trouble adjusting to our new family of four. It is not easy and I sometimes feel like your babyhood got lost in the shuffle. But I know that's not true. It has not been easy. But you are something so special and you round out our family in such an important way. I can't believe that I ever questioned how it would work. It just does.
Today I made cupcakes and a bunch of your friends will come to celebrate you (and I am hoping the rain hods off). But I celebrate you every day and feel so lucky that you are in my life.
Keep up the good baby work and you might convince us to go for it again my delicious little muffin boy.
Happy birthday. We all adore you.