Monday, November 17, 2008

It Has Been 15 Years

Today it has been 15 years since my mom died. Next year marks an important milestone--the year where I have lived more than half my life without her.

I miss her less than I did when I was 16. But I also miss her more. I wish she could see her grandchildren. I wish she had left some kind of legacy--cards, videos, a letter--anything, really. But she didn't.

My takeaway lesson is this: take care of myself. I am going to get gene tested (the cancer she had may or may not have been the genetic kind), do rigorous self-checks, stay on top of my fat intake and eat right because I never want my kids to go through what I have gone through.

But if I ever (G-d forbid) have to leave my children, I will also leave them things to remember me by, this blog, the letters I write to them on their birthdays, the essays I have written about them. I never want them to forget how much I love them.

My children/husband have done more for healing the wound then anything before them, but it will always be there and I will do my best to never leave my children with the same hole.

5 comments:

Lis Garrett said...

I am absolutely blow away at just how much you look like your mother. The resemablance is uncanny, and I actually thought it was YOU at first!

My Wombinations said...

People always say that to me. I can see it, too. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see her, which is kind of spooky.

Kristi said...

This must be an incredibly difficult day for you. I am so sorry you have to mark this tragic milestone each year.

Thinking of you...

halloweenlover said...

Wow, I'm amazed both at how much you look like your mom and how much Sam looks like you! It is uncanny!

Today must be so hard for you, but I'm always amazed at how well you handle this. Sam and Alan are so lucky to have you as their mommy!

Agent Saskia said...

You do look so much like your mom. Isn't weird to look at our kids and know that they are a product of so many ancestors?! It's good that you can look at Sam and see you and your mom too.