Sunday, October 19, 2008

For Any Mother of a Son

Call it Freudian, Oedipal or sick, the day I found out I was having a son, I started counting down the hours until he would leave me for some other woman. I know I have some time, but mark my words, no matter how much I love him, this little boy will only love me back so long. Sooner or later, he will find some woman I hate and leave his Mama in the dust (unless he is gay, which is fine, of course).

Thank G-d I have a daughter to pick up the pieces.

It is better than the alternative, of course--an adult mama's boy who still does his laundry in my basement. No thanks. Recognizing that, I have made my peace with the fact that my son will fly the coop. He will still love me, but men never stay as close with their families of origin as women do. This truth has inspired countless cliches ("a son is a son till he takes a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all of her life" ring a bell?)

People have called me crazy for thinking this way. But I am not alone. I think most moms of sons would agree with this writer when her friend says, "I was haunted by the comment a friend made following the birth of her second son. “He’s very cute,” she said, 'but I’m worried. It seems like sons, no matter how much you love them, just grow up and leave you to marry someone you hate.'"

Sigh.

It is inevitable. So I am going to love him fiercely while I can and then do my best to be a cool mother-in-law to my future DIL so she invites me over a lot.

1 comment:

Lis Garrett said...

Ha! I know how you feel!

There are some moments when I look at my son and see him as a husband and father. Rather, I look at him and PRAY that some sweet woman will tolerate his quirks enough to marry him and provide him a few children (and us some grandchildren). LOL!

I have a GREAT relationship with my in-laws, so I only expect the same for my future daughter and sons-in-law. At least I'm crossing my fingers! But it's true, I think daughters naturally have a better relationship with her parents simply because women understand the nuances of relationships better than do men.

I'll be satisfied if my children don't move more than an hour away. I think that would kill me.