Saturday, August 23, 2008

Sam's Adjustment

Yesterday while we were at playgroup, Sam had some less than stellar moments. She stole every toy other children had, she bit one child and she screamed if anyone tried to touch something she was using.

This is not unusual really. It seems, I spoke too soon. My daughter did inherit my personality. She is difficult and demanding, she wants what she wants and demands to be the center of attention.

I am mixed. On the one hand, I know these traits will serve her well (and truth be told, there is almost nothing I loathe more than a reticent "nice girl" who is unwilling to stand up for herself). On the other hand, it is really humiliating to be the mother of the biter or the kid who knocks the other kid to the ground.

I think some of this behavior is acting out against her recent life change. It seems that she goes back and forth in her feelings about her brother. In some moments, she hugs and kisses him, often too roughly, but mostly with good intention (I think). Other times, like this morning, she sneaks up behind me and hits him or bites his toe as hard as she can until he sobs. Then she shushes him, finger on lips, little mouth pursed, "sssss". It would be funny if it did not make me so worried for my little one's safety.

I spent most of my pregnancy concerned that my relationship with Sam would change. It has. But I can't really help the fact that I adore both of my children equally and right now his need to be kept safe from my brute of a toddler is taking some precedence.

In a few months, I will love that the two of them roll around together and play rough. But now, when he is so helpless, I am nervous. How can I make it clear that I still love her and adore her while also paying so much attention to this strange new creature? This is the balance I am fighting to strike.

But moments like this make the struggle worth it:


Lis Garrett said...

Pass the little one to Dad and spend some quality alone time with Sam, out of the house.

Give her LOTS and LOTS of praise, too. When you catch her being gentle with Alan, comment about it. Although I wouldn't ignore those times she bites or hits him, defintely play up when she doesn't.

g and c boyarko family said...

What a wonderful picture of the two cuties!