Lies

I was completely lied to about what this second pregnancy would entail.

I was told it would be "easier;" that I would go "earlier"; that I would recognize the signs of labor. I was told a whole lot of hooey, as it should happen.

Here's why:

NOTHING is easier about this pregnancy. My nausea has been worse, my exhaustion more acute. My stress reactions more heightened. It has not been easy.

But this end point is absolutely (absolutely!) torturous. My due date is tomorrow, but labor has been teasing me for weeks--painful contractions, tons of wetness I think is my water breaking, discomforts galore.

I am at the absolute end of the line. I can't even express how angry I am that this kid has yet to make his appearance. How can I have been in what amounts to early labor for weeks? Today is the most frustrating of all. I am having bloody show (blood-tinged mucus), painful (yet irregular) contractions and the frustrating feeling that this will never progress into real labor.

WHERE IS MY BABY? I can't stand this another second.

Add to all this the fact that I am trying to care for a restless and active toddler by myself and I spend most of my days feeling like I want to cry. I can't keep this up any longer. I know now that I will be induced if I do not go within the next 2 weeks, but if someone told me I have to hang on another 14 days, I think I would kill them.

I am never doing this again. Never. I mean it. We can internationally adopt or adopt an older child through foster care if we want a third, but this is torture and I am never doing this again. I do not want to hear any stupid promises about third pregnancies and how "easy" they are.

I am never believing "them" again.