I am feeling much, much better today. It may only be 6 a.m., but I think I can safely say that today will be much better than yesterday, mainly because days do not get much worse than yesterday.
Yesterday was a bad, bad mommy day. In no particular order, I give you the sins of yesterday:
1.) I openly screamed at my sister in front of the baby
2.) We both cursed at eachother and I threw a book at her (in front of the baby)
3.) I let the baby watch television, which I never do just because she screamed
4.) I gave Sam two full bottles of milk (20 ounces of milk) just because she screamed
5.) I put Sam down for a nap so I could eat lunch and watch Oprah while she screamed for 20 minutes before finally (blessedly) falling asleep
By the time R got home, I was feeling like the worst mother on the planet, not to mention emotionally overwrought from a fun day of disembowelment. Did I mention is was pouring rain ALL.DAY. and we were not able to leave the house except to go to Whole Foods.
In all seriousness, I broke about 15 of my cardinal rules of parenthood yesterday in the span of 8 hours. I let her watch TV, which I loathe. I let her drink way too much milk/eat too much sugar/spoil her appetite (but actually, this had the opposite effect yesterday for some reason). I gave in to her demands because I did not want to hear her scream. Most of all, I fought in front of her, which R and I are incredibly careful never to do. I feel awful about it.
Tell me I am not alone in this. Tell me other moms have days like that because even in writing this, the guilt is creeping back in.
In other news, I have recovered my perspective (sort of) in regards to this pregnancy. There is a rather large project that I will at least complete the first draft of as of tomorrow evening. If I can get through this, I will actually be able to claim some kind of mini-maternity leave for myself (with a minimum amount of work for the first month). So, obviously, it is best if he holds on until then. And then, of course, I would like the full weekend to enjoy with just R and Sam, so that brings us to next Mon. I can patiently wait a bit more, trying to enjoy full-nights of rest, time to work and netflix after the bean goes to bed.
Today will be a happy day even if I have to force it. And tomorrow? 86, sunny and Friday. Even better.