Thursday, August 9, 2007

Emily Post's Post

I have always been a sucker for etiquette.

I like to send my thank you notes prompty (well, mostly--I did just have a baby), stay on top of correspondence and I have an array of stationary just for these purposes. Still, I have been known to mess up on more than one occassion. I blame my parents. They were hippies who poo-pooed such rules.

Still, I know the rules, even if I do not always follow. And I know them particularly when it comes to weddings: don't include registry info in an invitations, try not to charge guests for drinks (or food) and don't say "adults only" on a wedding invite. We just received a wedding invitation last week that broke two of the rules (and my guess is, if we attend, it will also break the third).

Honestly, I can forgive a cash bar. Sometimes people don't have enough money to provide drinks for all their guests. Fine. I can even forgive the registry info in the invite even though it does make the couple look greedy. But come ON?! "Adults Only"?! And this from a woman who has two children!

I already know of at least one other couple who is not going to attend because they can't bring their child. I happen to have family in the region, but if I didn't, where would we put Samara? Would we have to hire a hotel babysitter? How much do you really like your friends if you ask them to come to your long distance wedding sans their children?

The issue is not even that I want to bring Samara to the wedding. If I did want to, I would ask--just like I did for the wedding we are attending next weekend. And the bride graciously said it was fine to bring her. Had she said no, I would have understood. We did have children at our wedding, but I toyed with the idea of adults only. But even had I gone that route, I would not have excluded them in print. That is just plain tacky.

We probably can't make it regardless. We are scheduled to be in LA that weekend. But we will be sure to send a gift. After all, we know where they are registered.


Editorgirl said...

I hear you S. Some people just don't get it.

Kristi said...

I knew about the registry info, and the cash bar faux pax (what is the plural or pax, anyway?). But I didn't know that "adults only" on an invite was bad etiquette. I've received many invites with "Adult reception to be held...." Now I know!

If you're a guest at an out-of-town wedding, I think it's a bit rude to expect you to hand off your small baby to some babysitter you don't even know. Bad, bad, bad.

Colleen said...

Hey S! This is C in ABQ. I wonder if maybe G & I are the other couple who aren't going :). If not, we aren't going to this particular wedding specifically because of the "adults only" stipulation...even with family, since G only sees D once every three weeks you can bet we aren't paying lots of $$$ to travel and then G not be able to spend time with D. This is actually the second one of these we have gotten this year too, and are not going to either one. I thought maybe we were being a little is nice to know others have similar feelings.

Chantel said...


I can understand you wanting you BEAUTIFUL little girl with as much as possible. But I want to ask...before you had her...did that bother you?
I have two beautiful boys and until recently we did not live close to family. When we had any adult event to attend grandparents were MORE than happy to come and spend a weekend with the boys...or we would bring one grandparent with us and make it a family vaca. (mainly when I was breastfeeding)

I guess what I am saying is I can understand not wanting little ones at your day. They either still the with your little one...or they fuss or squirm during the bridal march.

My Wombinations said...


I completely agree that adults only is a viable option. And I understand why some might choose it (even if I disagree and think people take weddings a little too seriously--and I always felt that way). My problem was the actual invite saying "adults only."