Tuesday, July 24, 2007


Ever since having a baby, I pay inordinate amounts of attention to frightening things. For instance, this morning I read that a girl in Atlanta had bacterial meningitis and may have passed it during a plane flight. My thought process after that went something like this:

Me: Oh that sucks

Me: Glad I was not on that plane with that girl

Me: What if I was and what if Samara was with me and what if she got it. too?

Me: I would rush by her bedside and hold her hand and cry and oh my g-d I cannot imagine what it must be to see your baby so sick and what if terrorists get ahold of bacterial meningitis and what if they get ahold of Ebola and if they do could I possibly live if she were sick and how much would I want to kill anyone who hurt her and oh my g-d glbal warming limited resources and what kind of world are we leaving to our children and will she even live to see 30?

So you can see why I might try to avoid the news. When I was in high school, I pretty much thought Mothers Against Drunk Driving was code for "Mom I am REALLY glad I don't have." I thought of it on the same cool plane as say Tipper Gore's campaign against "smut music." As in, really humiliating to tell your friends. But now? I totally get it. The idea that anyone could knock back a few too many and hurt my child is unfathomable. And the reason I know this? Because a large part of my day is spent imagining these scenarios. What if she was in the Bjorn while we grocery shopped and the cans fell on her head? What if she escaped her Bumbo and fell to the floor (yeah, yeah I know it says "no elevated surfaces")? What if she chokes? Slips (even though she can't even crawl yet)? Drowns? What about melting glaciers? Dirty bombs? A nuclear holocaust?

See, it's this kind of attitude that makes me want to chain myself to trees and attack people who drive non-hybrid SUV's. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? THIS IS MY DAUGHTER'S WORLD YOU GAS GUZZLING SELFISH BASTARD! I am a ton of fun at parties.

I used to love horror movies; Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Last House on the Left, Cannibal Holocaust. I still do. But now I have an entire scenario worked out for what I would do to the gang of cannibal freaks who dared mess with my kid. Ask me about it sometime. And worse? Now I am more scared by movies like "An Inconvenient Truth" and the upcoming "11th Hour" than traditional horror fare. I mean, WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING TO OUR WORLD? CAN'T YOU SEE MY BABY NEEDS IT?

I can get myself into trouble with this kind of thinking becasue, as one might guess, I have zero qualms about sharing my opinions with the world and, given my passion, it might be best to avoid such topics as: global warming, SUV's, terrorist attacks, home invasions, carpenter ants, ticks, spiders, dirty bombs and pretty much anything that can be linked to any scenario that could possibly harm my child. That is, unless you WANT me to key your SUV.


Kristi said...

It's a scary world we live in, and I spend an inordinate amount of time wondering about the state of the planet Isabella will inherit if we all don't wake up and start doing our part to fight global warming.

And then we have my aunt, who doesn't believe in it. You may be a ton of fun at parties, but I am a regular riot at family dinners. ;)

Stephanie said...

Not irrational. I read somewhere that moms imagining these 'worst case scenarios' is actually an evolutionarily conserved process- it's part of survival instinct to plan escape routes to ensure the safety of your child. If I think about it too much, it makes me question wanting to bring a child into this kind of world. But then I remember how damn cute they are...