Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Samara's Shrink Butt Chilly Day Workout

With this April cold snap we are still inside when we should be outside taking walks. Boo, hiss. However, the little one has devised her own plan to get mommy back in shape with some ways to get minor exercise and some laughs (albeit the maniacal ones that come from being shut in too long. Remember Jack Nicholson in "The Shining"? Yep, that's me only I am uglier and have only slightly less body hair). In no particular order, here is Samara's Buns of Flab Workout (along with tips on whether each activity decreases the size of mommy's butt):

1.) Call daddy and play only the annoying children's songs that get stuck in his head. When he hangs up, call back again. Repeat until daddy stops answering. Laugh hysterically. Repeat later in the afternoon. This activity has no effect on the size of mommy's butt, but it does make daddy question her sanity.

2.) Challenge Mommy to get through The Giving Tree, I Love you Forever, Puff the Magic Dragon or my lullaby CD without crying. These books and songs remind mommy that she is old and getting older. They also remind her that her butt is not getting any smaller while she sits on the couch crying.

3.) While I "nap," mommy pumps with the hands-free bra while attempting to balance on one foot and rock my bassinett all at the same time. If she also adds a squat, this might actually make her butt smaller.

4.) Mommy attempts to replace the batteries in any one of my 500 toys that both require and suck the juice from them in one day. She realizes we are out of D's. She races to the store with me in the sling. She huffs it back. She looks for a screw driver. Frustration sets in. Yelling, screaming, jumping up and down ensue. Daddy gets a call. She move on to next toy. This is a great shrink-butt workout. I encourage this one for all new moms.

5.) I helpfully refuse to nap unless the music on my swing plays. Since it only plays in five minute intervals, mommy has to run upstairs, do her thing and then race downstairs in time to keep the music playing. I feel this exercise is good for mommy so we keep it up for at least three hours at a time. This one works those glutes like none other. Go mommy!


Editorgirl said...

You are too funny! I can actually picture all this. I love #1 - classic! That must drive him insane.

Kristi said...

Look at that! An entire workout without ever leaving the house. Samara is such a smartie.

And incidentally, I'll Love You Forever makes me bawl too.